Maybe your spouse or partner complains that you are forgetting social engagements at an increasing rate, or that you repeat questions often. Maybe colleagues at work have expressed concern when you forget to attend a meeting or send an important memo, or are unable to learn a new computer program. Such situations may, understandably, trigger feelings of anger and defensiveness. They can also produce anxiety, which can in turn make anyone even more forgetful. The anxiety may be particularly pronounced in someone in the early stages of dementia.
In addition to being forgetful, those in the early stages of dementia may also have problems with judgment and planning. Someone with early dementia might, for example, become distracted in preparing a recipe or forget the rules of a card game. People with dementia are also much more likely to have traffic accidents than those who do not have dementia.
And while many of us are challenged when it comes to finances, someone with early dementia may find it impossible to do everyday chores, like balancing a checkbook, that they used to find easy.
As dementia progresses, people get even more forgetful. Someone with dementia might, for example, get lost in the neighborhood when driving home from the grocery store or forget what day it is. Those with dementia may forget simple words or replace them with strange substitutes, making them difficult to understand.
Someone with dementia might also misplace things, like placing a cell phone in the refrigerator, or get confused while getting dressed. These behaviors are not common in someone without dementia. Unusual changes in personality can also occur, like showing bursts of anger for no reason, becoming depressed or confused, or uncharacteristically clinging to a family member.
Meaningful relationships? Is there an app for that? While dealing with all this we are supposed to keep up with never-ending to-do lists and jam-packed personal calendars. I was the kid who was constantly staring out the window and daydreaming at school, and have always been horrible at keeping to routines, setting and following schedules, and meeting deadlines.
Fear we are heading for divorce….. This article is enlightening, it makes me feel less alone in my struggle with my ADD and the problems it causes in my marriage.
I wish more ADD people were aware of the impact their behavior has on others. It feels awful to know that you are driving your beloved insane by your chronic inability to shred bills, make beds and file thank-you cards.
Coping strategies are a must! I have been fortunate to find a psychiatrist, Dr. This process is easier when family members improve their diets with non-toxic chelated lithium, consumed in tiny amounts micrograms. With the effect of chelated lilthium, couples begin to eliminate the stress described in your article and learn to communicate through therapeutic dialogue. My husband, now ex-, was diagnosed ADHD about three years ago. We are now separated after thirty years. He was willing to take the drugs, but not so willing to do much more than acknowledge his diagnosis as a part of who he is.
I spent many years thinking that my requests were nagging, needy, and controlling because that was what was reflected back to me by the usually complete non-response. And I am talking about things like asking him to request two weeks off for a vacation that I would then plan, or asking to have a movie date in the evening that then would turn into a mad dash out the door as our plans became an afterthought.
I always saw him as forgetful, and over the years, began to see myself as forgettable. The ADHD spouse has to be understanding about the unintended damage done; mine was angry and resentful that I felt unloved, especially after the diagnosis, when he thought all should be forgiven. Thanks for this article. I wish I had heard of this yearsago. Obviously, as the story states, a diagnosis and medication is not enough.
Both partners have to want to work together. Apparently, there is no such thing as laziness, selfishness, or people who are just bad people or fools, anymore. There are no bad people, just people with disorders that are not their fault. So are there no bad people? No fools? No lazy people? The psychiatrists and psychologists would have us think so. I call this conflict of interest. This is a real thing, and finding ways to cope with it are important. The couple mentioned in the article that makes recipe cards with single tasks is a good example of a non-medicated way for an ADHD person to get more done.
Did any of the rest of you read that article several weeks ago, about giving women pills to increase their libidos, even if they were exhausted and stressed out from caring for the whole family? Geez louise. Yes, a partner may have ADD to some degree of severity. One could theoretically argue that most of us do. But what about invoking the old-fashioned exercise of EXERTING oneself through discipline, so as not to be a drag on your loved ones and on society as a whole?
Does mental will count for nothing anymore? I am very wary of all these medical excuses for irresponsible behavior. The bad side of that is that we also decrease our power to do improve ourselves. The goal here is to understand the behavior and find ways to address it so that the person who suffers from distraction can learn how to be more reliable and take part in family life.
It gives them an explanation so that both spouses can understand the behavior and hopefully work together to find ways to address it. Based on some of the previous posts, one can easily understand why Congress felt it necessary to pass mental health parity legislation. There are pretty clear clinical criteria for diagnosing these, and a number of treatments which has been shown to be effective in helping restore the lives of affected individuals to some sense of normalcy.
Now if we could only address the biases and stigmas that at least a portion of society holds regarding such disorders. Based on the behaviors I have observed in my lifetime, at least half the male adult population is showing symptoms! As we grow older, some memory difficulties — such as forgetting names or misplacing items from time to time — are associated with normal aging. But the symptoms of dementia are much more than simple memory lapses.
While symptoms can vary greatly, people with dementia may have problems with short-term memory, keeping track of a purse or wallet, paying bills, planning and preparing meals, remembering appointments or traveling out of the neighborhood. Screenings are given by doctors, nurse practitioners, psychologists, social workers or other healthcare professionals in thousands of sites across the country.
Instead, its goal is to detect problems and refer individuals with these problems for further evaluation.
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